I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
