"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
