I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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