there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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