Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
