Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
