I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
