and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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