Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
