Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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