Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
