Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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