turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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