I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
