Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
