I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
