if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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