no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize