the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
