the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
