I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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