Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I understand Curling. That high.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
