spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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