Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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