Are we in a gay sports bar?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Less talking, more tequila
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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