At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
