I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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