16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
