how do flat chested girls get laid?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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