I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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