Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
