Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
