My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
