I just made out with a guy for $7.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
