I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
