Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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