a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
