im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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