If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
