it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
