Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
