I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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