id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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