My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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