i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
