I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
