One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
