I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
