I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize