this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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