my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
