well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
