After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
