I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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