And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
