I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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