New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
