She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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