Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I should be sponsored by Trojan
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
