there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just googled if crying burns calories
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
