I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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