I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
