Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
