____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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