My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
