It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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