hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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