it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
