Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
