sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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