My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
