i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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